Your smile gets me every time. That disarming smile that makes my heart melt, and your eyes twinkle and laugh because you know it does.
As we lay there in the glow of your nightlight, you and I, feelings of love rushed over me as I watched your eyelashes flutter. You were playing with me, one second pretending to sleep, the other watching me open my eyes to see you staring back at me. Then you’d smile and your face would light up your room.
Your smile makes me smile.
My, how far we’ve come, my love.
You were such a fussy baby, you know. Never happy unless you were held, and even then, sometimes you had desires I couldn’t figure out.
You broke the mold, refusing to be put into a box, so to speak. A great night sleeper, though never one of those miracle babies that sleep through the night. But oh! Those days, those long days of minute-long naps, or so it felt like.
Every day exhausted me. I clung to the hope that you would get older, more into a routine, like your brother and sister. What was I doing wrong? I wondered.
Six months later, your patterns of sleeping and eating were still erratic, and all hope seemed lost.
But something changed. It wasn’t you; it was me. I started to accept you for who you are. I stopped seeing you as a fussy baby; you needed me and I needed you. You were my baby-man, a boy I want to raise to become a man, but still a precious baby I wish could stay little forever.
And you are my baby. I never regret holding you while you drifted off to dreamland and I will always cherish the times you fell asleep in my arms. Conventional advice didn’t work for us; you didn’t know you were supposed to stop crying. Waiting only broke my heart. So we decided to break the rules.
They said you would stay clingy, wimpy I suppose. But you proved them wrong. You run and jump with reckless abandon, fearless, and you taught yourself how to swing. Are two year old’s supposed to do that? You are definitely “all-boy.”
You still love to cuddle with me, though. Oh, I love your snuggles and your quick hugs and kisses! And you know how much I love you. Do you see the soft spot I have in my heart for you? We’ve been through so much, learned so much.
I believe God brought you into my life to teach me more about His grace and how to show it tangibly. You needed that grace. I needed that grace.
And now, my love, it’s time for sleep. Be comforted by the light in the hallway. I might see you again tonight, but I also know that you will eventually fall asleep.
Sleep well, my love.