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Parenting, Sex Abuse, Uncategorized

Free to Tell

‎”When a child is loved unconditionally, a child is free to tell….the truth.”

Last night, I was reading a news article and this other news title caught my eye: ‘I didn’t want to get yelled at. Love, Brian.’ (Warning: May be a trigger if you are a sexual abuse survivor)

That story broke my heart.

Then G.R.A.C.E. posted the above quote on Facebook and it got me thinking.

Home needs to be the safest places for our children. Within those walls, children of all ages should find all of their needs met.

Aside from gifts, children’s physical needs should be met by their parents. Children should not have to worry about things such as shelter, adequate clothing, their next meal, etc. Taking care of children’s physical needs is something society sees as important; to not do so is considered neglect, and rightly so.

Few realize how stress affects children. Many children, especially oldest children, grow up too quickly because early on they shoulder stress and concern they shouldn’t be carrying.

When children are young, the most important people in their lives are usually their parents. Especially early on, children’s emotional needs should be met by their parents. Characters with daddy or mommy issues make for good TV sometimes for a not-so-good reason; they are relatable.

Parents don’t need to be their child’s only friend, but they should be friend. Forget all that, “You’re not your child’s friend, you’re their authority” for now. You should be your child’s friend. Kids can make it through so many things knowing that their parents not only love them, but they like them and like hanging out with them.

It’s usually this need that gets overlooked. Life gets busy. Kids have their things and parents have their things. Life gets complicated. It’s easy to over-react to last-minute “Oops, I forgot I had this school project tomorrow, can you help me, Mom” moments. It’s easy to get upset at bad grades on report cards. It’s easy to make your child feel that as he gets older, he’s responsible for his stuff, whatever that is. It’s easy to keep at arm’s length her dramatics about her friends and what somebody said about her today, not wanting to listen to her stuff.

Unfortunately, for some kids, sexual abuse becomes a part of their stuff, their life. And if Mom and Dad don’t want to be bothered with how their day went, if they don’t seem to genuinely care in the child’s eyes, there is little to no chance their child will disclose even a hint about the abuse.

Please know that this is not a judgment call on the parents in the article linked to above. I do not know them or their situation. In fact, I believe that the lies that perpetrators tell victims strangles them and keeps them from telling those who love them and can help them. It’s because of that that parents need be vigilant in counteracting the lies our kids hear. Our voice telling them God’s truth needs to be louder than any voice out there.

Show them God’s unconditional love by loving them unconditionally. Show them they are accepted no matter what by accepting them no matter what. Show them they are important to God by showing them they are important to you. Run defense for them. Be their “out,” their reason not to go somewhere they feel uncomfortable going or to do something they don’t feel comfortable doing. Strive to be at the top of their speed dial list. Be their advocate in life. Show them they are worth it.

‎”When a child is loved unconditionally, a child is free to tell….the truth.”

Help them tell the truth.



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